Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
