I'm jealous of your bromance
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
