I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
there's paper in my vomit.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
