So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
