All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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