i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
