You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
