i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
