have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
