thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
