so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
