he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
