I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had to cum in my sink.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
