Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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