she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
