I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
