He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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