i think my tv is drunk
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
