I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
