I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
