Yo dont text me then not text me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
