Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
