I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
