I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
