can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
