Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
