I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We are all done wearing pants today
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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