This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
