Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
