would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
