mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's never too late to be topless.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
