we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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