i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
