I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I pour the whiskey from now on
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
