Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
