in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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