so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
