i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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