Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't turn off my feet"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
