why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We need to rekindle our bromance
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
