Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
