That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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