I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
