So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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