May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
