The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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