Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
