i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
