sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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