WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
