Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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